She killed her six year old son or at least she felt like she was responsible for his death. I came into contact with this dear lady years ago and her story left me in chills. The sad death of her son happened in the 1930's. She tensed her shoulders as she told me how it happened. No tears. Maybe the heartache had dried the tears over time. She ended by telling me she really didn't know if God would forgive her for his death.
At that time there were little pink round laxative pills in a glass bottle on the market. She kept them on the dresser in her bedroom. The normal dose for an adult was two pills. Unfortunately, her son found the bottle. They were sugar coated and looked like candy. He ate all of the pills. She told me that her son died within hours due to Cardiac Arrest. She sat on his bed holding him tight as he took his last breath.
She was eighty-six when she told me the story. She was ridden with guilt and also ridden with Arthritis. That is when I began wondering if the two had some connection. Guilt often shows up in physical afflictions. My heart broke for her because I couldn't begin to imagine all the hurt she was feeling over her son's death, even after decades of time.
I have been pondering the question of guilt again and its' rage on our souls and perhaps our bodies. It is a question for all Christians to think about. I know it will be in my prayers for an answer. Maybe some of us suffer needlessly due to 'guilt'??
